Lazer’s Crash Replacement Program
As Explained Through Rhyming Couplets
By Andrew Juiliano
Your helmet’s job is to help protect your head in the event of a crash. Unfortunately, sometimes your helmet has to sacrifice itself in order to fulfill its mission. Lazer is happy to offer a 50% discount off a new replacement helmet so you can get back on your bike as soon as you are ready. Any Lazer helmet purchased within 3 years of crash damage is covered by the Lazer Crash Replacement Program.
You wobble and bobble, and climb from the ground,
Dazed and befuddled you glance all around.
When off to the side of the path you do see
That rubber side up, lies your bike by a tree.
Perhaps you were launched by a bump in the road,
Slid out on some gravel, or slime from a toad.
Whatever the reason that brought you thus here,
Do know that your helmet has spared you so dear.
From the forces that come from a flop or a slap,
A crash or a mash or a proper dirt nap,
Secured at the ready that lid on your head,
Gave up its brave self to save you instead.
But oh, don’t you fret or fill up with much strife,
That helmet, now smushed, perhaps saved your life
That lid, once so sleek, with its MIPS so endearing,
Took much the brunt, stopped that axial shearing,
The nerves of your brain in one piece did stay,
Less spinny spin forces to tear them away,
And skull it did save from a proper old crack,
When that slap to the ground made an audible thwack.
It gave up itself in so noble a manner,
And now looks as if it was beat with a hammer.
And what now, oh what will you possibly do,
So much dough to shell out for a helmet priced new.
But oh no don’t fret since that great Lazer lid,
Now crumpled and rumpled, it’s job it sure did.
Should helmet be crushed, its purpose fulfilled
Protecting your noggin in case of a spill.
Because you’re in need of a helmet anew,
By sticking with Lazer, still covered are you.
That helmet that’s smushed because of a crash,
Let Lazer outfit you for just half the cash.
That’s right a replacement’s just 50 percent,
Off the cost of a new one, that’s money well spent!
To hop back on the bike as quick as you can,
With Lazer protecting your noggin again.
